Somehow over these last few years, I find myself in a state of advanced decomposition. Some change is sorely needed.

Not all of it is my fault. No, really. Okay, mostly, but not 100%.

I struggle a lot with my mental health (and it has taken me quite some time to be okay admitting that.) I’m prone to depression, anxiety and irritability.

There are meds for that.

Unfortunately, mental health meds take an enormous physical toll on the body, especially in the areas of weight and energy levels. This then affects esteem and motivation, causing one all too easily to get stuck in a lousy feedback loop that begs the question of why you’re taking medicine in the first place. Side effects can be so severe and ever-present that it makes you forget about the benefits you’ve experienced. That is not to say that meds do not help. They do. Substantially, if you get the right ones.

But alas, all magic comes at a price. Fix the mind by destroying the body.

So, one must eventually overcompensate. Not just any overcompensation though. ‘Reasonable’ has proven that it just isn’t going to cut it when what you’ve been prescribed is decaying one area while fortifying another.

Nope, rebuilding is going to take a substantial, prolonged, focused effort. It’s probably going to suck. A lot. But I am loosely holding on to a vaguely well-intentioned notion that getting to the other side will be an improvement.

So that’s my mission, to use turning 46 as the catalyst to get myself back on track physically and mentally. Maybe emotionally and spiritually as well, because why the fuck not bring them along for the ride.

I’m going to use this site to document and track what I hope will be progress.